Reasons kids suck #1: You can never do anything just ONCE

Disclaimer: I love my wife and kids.

dad spinning kid

A tired father comes home from work exhausted, but happy to see his lovely family. His beautiful 6 year-old daughter rushes out the front door to greet him. Dad drops his briefcase, picks her up, and spins her around as the music swells. It’s a perfect scene – the epitome of fatherhood. And that’s usually where the director yells “Cut!” on campy television commercials.

Unfortunately, as with all things, TV is better than real life. If that camera kept rolling, it would have picked up the daughter happily giggling “Again!” just as the tired father’s aching back began to beg him for a rest. Good old dad, trying to be a sport, picks up the girl again (and this is a 50 lb kid we’re talking about here) and gives her one more set of spins. Now he is tired and dizzy, and the headache he felt coming on on the traffic-filled ride home is beginning to throb, letting him know it hasn’t yet decided whether or not to .take him down, but it is leaning towards “yes”. Dad puts down his daughter, who clings to his arm begging for one more turn, and reaches for his breifcase. Just then, Dad’s 4 year-old son comes bounding down the front steps, demanding HIS turn at spinning. He had been watching the whole scene go down from the front window and has decided he needs to have the fun his sister had.

Dad tries to beg off, throwing out some distracting questions like “where’s mom” or something, but the 4 year-old is wise to his tricks. Dad makes it inside, followed by his now whining son. Despite the living room floor being a mess, Dad reluctantly agrees to “just One” spinning. He grabs the boy and begins spinning him, coming very close to hitting the boy’s feet on a side table, and stepping on a couple toys in the process. After a few more spins Dad is dizzy, and really just wants to sit down a second. But now the daughter wants a turn being spun “inside” the house. The son tells her he has one more turn coming first, then she can have her turn, then he gets another turn. Dad reminds the boy he was told only ONE turn. The son whines that his sister got TWO turns, and seeing as how he is on the verge of tears, Dad picks him up and begins spinning again. The tears instantly go away and are replaced with squeals of delight. However, 20 seconds later, when the “ride” slows to a stop – and dad nearly twists an ankle stumbling to the couch through the mess – both son and daughter are whining again for spins, pulling on dad’s arm to get up.

Repeat this scenario every day for the first 8 year’s of your children’s life (and remember those kids get heavier each year), and you will begin to see how the beautiful scenes of fatherhood portrayed in TV and movies can quickly devolve into becoming something you actually dread as a father.

Kids suck

Kids have a way of ruining almost any attempt at fun you may foolishly think to suggest. For instance, when she was 3, my daughter was into My Little Pony. One day at Target I found a Read the rest of this entry »

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