Despite the ominous title, Doomed Grooms was not conceived with the goal of scaring men away from the idea of marriage – rather it is meant to serve as a learning resource for men who have already decided to get married (or had the decision made for them) and are wondering just what they are in for –  men, who find themselves standing on the edge of the “matrimonial cliff”, and are wondering just how far the fall is going to be, and how much it will hurt when they land.

Presumably if you are reading this you fall into one of three categories:
• You are a man who is recently married
• You are a man who is contemplating making the leap in the not too distant future
• You are my wife, spying on me.

As someone who is currently married with children, I will do my best to be honest with you about my experiences, both good and bad, and hopefully in the process pass on some useful information that you can adapt to your own circumstances. But of course we should remember that marriages are like snowflakes – they are cold, wet, and melt. No, seriously… like snowflakes, they are all different, and my individual experiences will surely be different from your own. But hopefully the underlying principals I outline here will apply to most people.

Just remember, you are doomed

Yes, unfortunately, whether you realize it yet or not, you are indeed doomed, for the road before you is long, and fraught with many perils. At times, time in a marriage can seem to slow to an almost unbearable, monotonous crawl, much like a prison sentence with no chance of parole. At others, a span of 10 years can fly by in an instant when you see your little daughter suddenly wearing makeup for the first time. You are in for a bumpy ride, my friend. It doesn’t matter where you live or what your social and financial circumstances are, marriage changes everything and everyone it touches. The woman you marry today is not the woman you will be married to 5 years from now, although odds are you will be more or less the same man.

I know it may seem as though I am painting a bleak picture of married life, and honestly, I am. But I do so only because I do not feel most men enter marriage with a realistic idea of what to expect, if they have given it any thought at all. Today’s generation of men have been raised watching an endless parade of bad sitcoms where the man in a marriage is portrayed as a lovable, bumbling oaf, married to a beautiful woman, way out of his league, who really runs things despite what he thinks. While this is in reality often the case, in real life the woman does not stay hot, and this causes all sorts of problems in the marriage ( I know this sounds sexist, but I will explain this later).

There is hope… sort of

So yes, things are looking bad for you my friend. However, I would rather light a candle than curse your darkness. My goal here is to share my experiences on any and all aspects of married life in the hopes that the information contained here will either help you avoid some of married life’s more unexpected pitfalls, or at least not look so surprised when you stumble into them.

I will also attempt to answer any specific questions you may have about married life to the best of my abilities and as honestly as I can. So if you are willing to listen to some good old fashioned “do as I say, not as I do” advice, I think you will find the road to be (slightly) less bumpy. Forewarned is forearmed.

-DG